I have remained silent for quite a long time since the drama and I think it's time to speak my piece.
No doubt that I do judge (who don't), but this affair is just between you & her. She could be having problems & you just happen to be the knight in shining amour (perhaps in the wrong kind of situation; not the social norm); but what I am pissed off is the lies that went through all it.
The one thing I hate is betrayal of trust from my family & friends. I love my friends and want the best for them. However, they choose to lie about it. To think the parties involved are potential-family-member & friend.
By "accusing" me of being a 3rd party in my current relationship is akin to pointing fingers at your brother's integrity. I wonder if this is his own way of justifying his actions? It could be, in his sense, but not mine.
Please, get this straight into your brain. Whatever happens with you & her is your business. I just realised today that there were quite a couple of posts targeted at me (intentionally/unintentionally). To the person who speak of family, this is what I have to say:
Don't speak loosely of family. When they were there to give you advice, you refused to take it. Now that the problem has been created, don't use the word "family" to attempt to solve it. All the while, this problem has been between me and her. I do not appreciate other people being involved.
To her: I do appreciate you taking the 1st step previously to explain things. I don't understand what you've been going through, but I do know that you betrayed my trust. That hurts a lot to me. Trust is something that I value a lot and you had to break it. I am not saying that it's your fault (given your situation) but what done cannot be undone. I would want to trust you again, someday, somehow.
8 comments:
For the record, your bf said he was not going to interfere previously since nothing was confirmed so that it's only now that we are going to be family that he's going to do something about it.
As for the so called posts, yes, they were directed at you but they were wrote in such a way that only you should understand and not any other 3rd party, so it's not as if we publicly indentified you. But obviously, these had hit on deaf ears.
Speaking of family, I think you need to think long and hard and see if you understand its meaning. As of now, you are still thinking of your own feelings.
You think you are being hurt and I'm telling you, its both ways.
You called yourself a friend, what kind of friend says things like 'I do not know how to advise you cuz I'm not in your shoes' and 'It's against my moral values'?
And you expect straight answers after that? Please get real. Ask yourself what would you have done if it happened to you. But of cuz you wun know cuz 'you have not been through it'
Even at this stage, you are still thinking you are right and we should be begging for your forgiveness before we can gain your acceptance?
Though it sounds weird but if we do not treat you as potential family, do you seriously think we would be wasting our energy on you?
If you are still unable to get pass your pride, then you are the one taking the word 'family' lightly.
What do you hope to gain when people around us sense the tension during family outings?
Your 'someday', 'somehow' and 'let nature take its course' are just excuses. Ask yourself, since the day you uttered 'let nature take its course', wat actions have you taken to mend the situation?
Ya, blame it on the posts, blame it on 'him' scolding you for 'her' but never reflect on your own mis-doings.
And 'He' is in this as much as 'She' so we are all in the picture, it is not just you and 'She' as you said.
We are sick and tired of making the first moves, enough is enough and tolerance has its limits.
You already know the solution and how we can all bury the hatche and resolve this once and for all or you can go ahead and complain once again on how we are 'bullying' you, this time in your own blog. It's your choice.
From 'Her'
To dear's bb:
I dunno if I should address you as Him or Her, but I suppose that it doesn't really matter since you're together.
I only realized today that there were posts targeted at me, since I stopped reading the blog 1.5 years ago. If I had known that I was being targeted, would you think that I would wait so long to voice out, in my blog no less, cuz that seems to be the way to handle things (according to your practices)?
And for your information, I am not seeking for whatsoever forgiveness from you/her. Taking the first steps in resolving this? How about this? I take the first step to invite you for lunch and you declined (of an appt). What follow next were entries targeted at you for not being appreciative/dun want to go for lunch. I don't think that declining a lunch appt deserves such outburst of emotions.
When SHE asked me out for lunch, I went along. Yes, it was awkward but I thought things were changing, then.
Putting your lvl of tolerance onto my scale is unfair, in this case. If I were to make a same case scenario, I asked her if she was keeping things from me a long while back. She only told me 2 months thereafter. Would I have exploded by then, given under your scale of tolerance?
I don't blame you for not seeing my point of view in why I dislike people who betrayed my trust. Once again, based on your own assumptions, you thought I wrote this post to prove that I am right and you should seek for my forgiveness.
Please, I wrote this post because I felt wrongly accused of being a 3rd party in my current relationship with my bf. You can target me for all you want, but bringing him into perspective is the last draw.
I don't deny that I handled the issue on my side wrongly previously, but seeing all the posts greatly discouraged me. As much as I was unhappy about the drift between us, I didn't write out my emotions or displeasure publicly. Thanks to you, I finally understand what is meant by "The pen is mightier than the sword" I considered you as family, that explain why I didn't post anything, didn't tell others even when they asked about it, passed on messages via him that people are watching and you/her should be mindful of your actions.
I don't expect anything, cuz this is how I can help, as family. So, I do know the meaning of family and I don't need your guidance. I got labelled as "rude" just cuz my msn conversations were short. It was shocking that emotions can be felt through MSN conversations and nv occur that I could be busy attending to other stuffs.
Now, for keeping silent, I am labelled as the one creating tension in the family. May I ask who was the one who caused the disharmony in the first place?
To quote " If you are still unable to get pass your pride, then you are the one taking the word 'family' lightly."
It was only a case of me and her since the beginning of time. Your interference only helped to worsen the situation, as it has always been.
As far as I know, you are facing the same issue with this as well. So, whatever you say to me applies the same to you.
lets be honest, ask urself truthfully, u really didnt know about the posts? If its true, why would I have heard from his brother that he was confronted bout the posts like 1 yr back?
Regarding lunch, dun make it seem like u were so willing to go for lunch but had to reject coz of an appt. If u were keen in talking things out, u would have followed up with another day like what u would normally do with ur frens when u fix lunch appts rite?
When i asked u out for lunch, telling u my career switch and everything, i had hoped to wrk things out. But hw did you reacted after the lunch? You behaved as if the lunch didnt happened at all. Back to your usual self. You call that encouraging? "things changing?"
You keep harping on being betrayed. In the first place, u suspected this and that, is that even trust? You cant even trust that i will tell u things at the right time and moment. You think you call yourself a fren? And not to mention all those hurtful words u said to me when i told u my plight and situation.
You know how bad it feels to be accused rite? So what makes u think i will feel good when u accused me of breaking the harmony and hoping on to a "life buoy" when my marriage genuinely broke down?
Pls be realistic, as much as i wished that fairy tales exist, they dont! I am glad you have not met any difficult situations in life where you get judged by pple like urself. And seriously, I do not have to answer to you. Neither do i need to get your approval to make certain decisions in my own life.
Its true you didnt blogged about your emotions or anything, but dun you think your behaviour during family outings are very obvious that you despise hanging out together?
If you are not trying to say that you are right, may i then know what was ur purpose of writing the post in the first place?
'Her'
To Her:
Yes, I did confront his brother about 1 yr ago, that was BEFORE I saw the post which brought me to write this post. I even confronted the owner of the blog and he said that the posts (posted way before THE POST) were not targeted at me. Fine, I took him for his words. I thought the posts would have stopped but I was proven wrongly. No doubt, that is his domain & his blog. He is free to air his views. Likewise, I am doing it the same in my blog. Is that wrong? If not, please tell me the right way, since I am doing exactly what he had done.
And to answer your question on the intention on this post: bringing him to perspective is the last draw. I do not write the post to prove to anyone that I am right. I even admit that I didn't handle things well previously.
You can justify yourself with your reasoning. Likewise, I can do the same for me. I judge and infer based on my perspective & you are doing the same.
"And not to mention all those hurtful words u said to me when i told u my plight and situation"
I seriously don't remember saying anything hurtful, I only rem saying that you made the choice yourself and you said everything was worth it. Besides, any hurtful remarks would have been equalized by "who the fuck is XXX ...." as quoted.
All the while, this has been between the 2 of us. I did not accuse you on breaking the harmony. From my perspective, the harmony was broken when HE decided to interfere. He could have interfered in light of protecting you or for the sake of the family, this I dunno.
If you were to ask me, my trust were with you until the day I saw stuff which were not meant to be seen. That is when I realized that something was wrong. Thus, I asked you the question, which you answered 2 months later.
I wanted to say my piece, just so that I won't be misunderstood.
Stop contradicting yourself. You claimed that you stopped reading the blog 1.5 yrs ago and now you said you saw the post and even confronted the blog owner about it. Meaning ???
" I even admit that I didn't handle things well previously."
Today is the first time I hear you say you didnt handle things well previously. Maybe you only realise it today because for the past 1.5yrs, you didnt show any signs of thinking u didnt handle things correctly.
And to say that things are between you and me, so why is it that you can write things like "Besides, any hurtful remarks would have been equalized by "who the fuck is XXX ...." You are not behaving what you preach!
Yes, i wasnt comfortable to tell you things right from the start. Am i wrong? What makes you think that i need to be all that HONEST to you when i wasnt even sure of my own decision yet? Whatever i feel comfortable telling you, i told you. I took my time in some other issues and I am seen as betraying you?
Like what you always say, the decision is mine. This is between me and him. If you do not want to give your blessings, i wouldnt force you to.
As for what i sms-ed you on the 24th Dec 2008 that i wished that things can be like before (which you probably dun remember anymore). i guess its pretty impossible now. I guess i deserve a new life after my failed marriage and not need to explain to pple or get judged by those who thinks that their moral values are 100% right and supercedes EVERYTHING.
To Her:
"Stop contradicting yourself. You claimed that you stopped reading the blog 1.5 yrs ago and now you said you saw the post and even confronted the blog owner about it. Meaning ???"
Ok, here's an explanation, if you really need it. I confronted the blog owner on his "apple" post in early 08 if he was writing about me on MSN - he can certainly dig up the information it, since our MSN conversations are kept. He said that he did not - this is when the above mentioned confrontation. So I took him at his words. Since then, I did not read about his postings.It was only brought to my attention today (Jan 2010) that I was targeted, so I went to take a look. It was also today that I choose to post my entry, as I felt that you were under the impression that I don't treat 2 of you as a couple while this was not the case. I mentioned, once and again that I felt betrayed. Betrayal from my point of view.
To reaffirm things: I wrote this post not because I want to prove that I am right, nor was there any intention to put the blame on you. I have spoken, for the first and last time, that I have mishandled things. We can argue continuously over this issue and the end conclusion is still the same.
Like you said, I certainly don't have the right to interfere in your decision. And one thing you have certainly misunderstood: I do want to give my blessings to you. Not this way over cyberworld.
Right not, judging from your statement : "As for what i sms-ed you on the 24th Dec 2008 that i wished that things can be like before (which you probably dun remember anymore). i guess its pretty impossible now." Not too sure if you will accept my blessings anymore. I have lost a fren previously, I don't wish to lose an in-law as well.
to CH
I need and accept all blessings, as long as they are sincere ones.
To be frank, the ball was in your court all along. As long as you can open your heart to accept and embrace this relationship between me and him, i believe you will not only gain an in-law, but a fren as well....
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